there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
