Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
