And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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