my sisters under your porch take her home
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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