Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
