I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
