she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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