Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
