so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
