I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
