the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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