I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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