that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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