if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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