he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
