Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
