im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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