just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
