Just cropdusted the office
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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