Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
