I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
