I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
