ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
