am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Just cropdusted the office
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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