Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
