Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
