Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
