Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
try to milk me bitch
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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