I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
