Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
