My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
