I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
