I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
This house was built for laser tag.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
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