someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
