Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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