ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Randomize
