I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
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