im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
