It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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