I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
