Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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