Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
A bitchslap is in order.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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