she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
