Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
