I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Please, let me fuck your mom
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
