I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
