Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
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