Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
