Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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