What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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