You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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