guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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