Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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