o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
