the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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