My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
